Woman on the Ledge: Wanna Join My Squad

As you may recall a couple of months ago, I posted the wish list for Woman on the Ledge’s girl squad. Since it is the holidays, the party season is in full swing, and in the spirit of equal time, I decided to check out what men might be available for some cocktails and soirees.

I do have to put a disclaimer out there before I get started. The males on this list are eclectic and some of them will be head scratchers. However, I am a bit quirky (in case you haven’t noticed) so these might not be your conventional choices. Unfortunately, Brad, the Ryans, George, Jake, Dwayne, and Brad sorry. Maybe next time. So, without further ado, grab your martini glasses, put on your black-tie attire and get ready to paint the town red!

First up, Mr. Will Ferrell. How can I not invite Frank the Tank to that boring office Christmas party? You know the one. Everyone is wearing horrible sparkly applique sweaters and tacky Santa ties. Yeah, that function. If I had Will by my side I wouldn’t have to worry about having that awkward conversation with Janice from accounting about her favorite YouTube cat videos. I am certain that if a keg were nearby Will could create one hell of a diversion by shouting, “Keg stands everybody!” If we happened to be poolside, a random “Cannonball!” would certainly liven up this soul crushing experience.

Simon Pegg – This choice is for the geek in me. For those of you that aren’t familiar with Simon’s work, he is the genius behind the classic horror comedy Shaun of the Dead. Still don’t know him? He plays Scotty in the new Star Trek films. Like me, Simon is a big fan of science fiction. When the small talk gets to the point where I am craving a double shot of scotch (any Glen will do!) Simon can pepper the conversation with pop culture references so that I won’t have to feel my pain alone. Thanks, Simon for saving me. I will buy you a round at the Winchester once we blow this popsicle stand.

Robert Downey Jr. – Iron Man/Sherlock Holmes anyone? RDJ in the house! While he is definitely eye candy for the ladies, Mr. Downey has the acting chops to back up his Tony Stark good looks. I grew up with Robert and if you see any of his films in the 80’s (and we are ignoring his lamentable turn on Saturday Night Live YIKES!) you can tell that he has talent. His turn with legendary thespian, Robert Duvall in The Judge is proof positive that there are great things awaiting him in the future. He is witty, he is urbane and he will look damn good in a tux. Case closed!

Bruce Campbell – Okay. Yes, I know. You are probably wondering, “Susan, with all the A list actors out there why would you pick the King of the B movies? Really?” I see your point but don’t sell Bruce short! He has a wealth of potential that hasn’t even been touched yet. Of course, he is known as the hero, (well, anti-hero) of all the Evil Dead movies. He is now the star of the hit cable show, Ash vs the Evil Dead. Prior to that, he played a rather conventional television role in the wonderful action packed USA series, Burn Notice. Look, let’s get down to brass tacks here. No one can rock a Tommy Bahama shirt without looking like your embarrassing drunk Uncle Ed but Mr. Campbell can! Plus, he makes it look cool. This guy is super funny and isn’t afraid to wear plaid jackets. Enough said. I am bringing him along because he is going to turn that family gathering into a college party night to remember. Tequila shooters anyone? Aunt Edna, get off the table! You aren’t 18 anymore!

Bill Murray – This man in my humble opinion is a national treasure! He had me at “Noogies” on Saturday Night Live back in the day. I firmly believe that he will have a date with Oscar in the very near future. His work keeps getting better and better. St. Vincent was one of the BEST pictures I have seen in a long time. Mr. Murray has made the list not only because he is “Bill Freakin’ Murray” but he is a fearless comedian. You know how it isn’t a party until someone does drunk karaoke? I guarantee you, this man could liven up any hum drum gathering with his lounge singer version of Baby, it’s Cold Outside. Plus, it would be so awesome to be friends with the guy who inspired a thousand memes. Let’s all raise a glass and toast to Dr. Peter Venkman!

I do have some honorable mentions. While these gentlemen did not make the first cut, they are my stand by’s in case one of the above flakes out. You know how actors can be!

Sir Patrick Stewart – What can I say about Star Trek’s TNG Captain Jean-Luc Picard? Sir Patrick is a master thespian and a graduate of the impressive Bristol Old Vic Theatre School. Not only did he tread the boards doing Shakespeare but he can also do comedy. He is a regular on my favorite animated show, Family Guy and he has also narrated the hysterical movie, Ted. In addition, he is the lead on what may be one of the best cable television shows ever, Blunt Talk. If you were ever curious about how Sir Pat Stew looks in a dress, then this is must see TV. He is dashing, a wonderful conversationalist and his voice could melt butter. If I would ever have to go to a scary caviar and champagne affair (which I am fairly certain will NEVER happen) he is my guy.

Jeremy Clarkson – For those of you that do not know Mr. Clarkson, he was the presenter on a little BBC and BBC America show, Top Gear. Last year, he was asked to exit the production that he had created due to a little mishap involving cold cuts. Feel free to Google that one, it is a doozy, trust me. Anyway, he is a polarizing personality. Currently he is on Amazon Prime hosting the delightful, Grand Tour. Jezza, as his fans call him is bombastic but quick witted and not afraid to verbally spar with the best of them. He would be the perfect person to take over a boring dinner conversation. Haven’t we all been there?

Well, that wraps up my squad- the guy edition. I had quite a bit of fun choosing the members. Now I am going to have to have my people call their people to do lunch. Meanwhile it’s time to break out the Spanx and the stiletto heels. Good times. Hopefully I won’t end up in the ER.

Who makes the cut for your squad? I’d love to hear your picks! Feel free to comment or drop me a line at susan.womanontheledge@aol.com or hit me up on Twitter @SusanontheLedge. Happy Holidays!