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Sunday, February 26, 2017

An Open Letter to My Neighbors - The Reboot


For those of you who are regular readers of my blog, last summer I wrote a letter to my wonderful next door neighbors. You remember them. The cast members of Breaking Bad or The Wire? Yes, those people!

Unfortunately, while they calmed down with the help of their Grandmother and local law enforcement, there are still some individuals out there that didn’t get the memo or watch the TV series. So, you know what that means?

Another letter!  So, sit back in your favorite chair, close your eyes, grab a beverage or two and enjoy!

Dear (Insert whatever adjective or noun fits the mood du jour),

First of all, I am so grateful that you live next door to me.  Up until three years ago, I didn’t even know you existed. Now I do and I feel as if my life has been forever altered. I don’t know how I functioned without your presence in my world. You have taught me how to get by on little to no sleep. Which is terrific because now I am able to enjoy watching the sun rise and get an early start on my day. Sleep is overrated! It doesn’t matter that I was working until 5 am.

Without you, I would never know that it was possible to run a chainsaw for eight hours straight! This is an amazing feat considering I don’t live in a National Park or rural Texas. I definitely don’t live in a rustic cabin in Tennessee either.

Are you fighting demons? Are you getting rid of the bodies? I don’t know but you are teaching me the importance of concentration. There is nothing better than trying to write while a symphony of grinding metal is playing at 11 in the background.

Of course, you know how much I love surprises!  On that rare day when I was trying to sleep, that dump truck with the gravel delivery and the incessant beeping was awesome!  I loved that! I jumped up so fast that I felt like I ran a marathon.  How did you know I was working on my cardio?

Oh, and thank you for creating a parking lot in your front yard. How convenient for you! I envy you, neighbor.  Now, all you have to do is roll up and out after hanging out in the clubs and easy, peasy you are in your house! There is no off position on the genius switch for you, my friend.  

I really like the fact that you have turned our street into a motocross course. This is another terrific idea. Here, I thought streets were for walking or perhaps, driving your car to work but no! Instead, they are a great place to go roaring around on your pocket motorbike. It doesn’t matter that you are in your 30s and still living in your Mom’s basement. You are bitchin’ cool brother, whipping around on your tiny baby Harley. Ride like the wind.

Because of you, I am able to identify most popular club songs by their bass line.  This is a rare gift to possess.  If it weren’t for you sitting in your primer coated Gremlin sharing the latest music with our neighborhood, I wouldn’t be so hip.  You know how to get your party on!

And last but not least, I want to tell you that I appreciate your daring personality.  You are not afraid to go against the grain.  While mostly everyone stores their old furniture in a shed or even a garage, you have taken that convention and turned it upside down. I love looking out my window and seeing your old sofa and easy chair tossed devil may care style into your backyard. You never know when unexpected guests might drop by and need to crash somewhere. They can just head outdoors.  

Summer is right around the corner and I can’t wait to see what surprises you have in store for us this year. If you decide to have a block party, you can bet that we will be the first ones there!

Kind Regards,

The People Living Next Door to You

 

 


Do you have neighbors from hell? Do you have any interesting interactions with them? I would love to hear your opinions on the subject!  Please feel free to post your comments or contact me at susan.womanontheledge@aol.com.
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5 comments:

  1. And I thought we had it bad. My neighbours I think have removed all the plaster and insulation from their side of the wall. I'm not sure just how many kids they have in there either but they may have started a nursery school! And just when I go to bed and seek solace at the other side of the house do we hear the other neighbours having sex (luckily they don't take too long).

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    1. Thanks for reading & commenting as always. I appreciate it.

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  2. At least I don't share a wall with the yobs I live around. You win, Captain! Your living situation sounds pretty ridiculous especially the sex part. Knowing me, I would probably bang on the wall & ask them to keep it moving, lol.

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