Lately, I have been binge watching this popular series that
used to run on the USA Network called, “Burn Notice.” For my constant readers
of this humble little blog of mine, you are probably aware of the fact that I
am an enthusiastic supporter of Bruce Campbell’s work. Who knew that watching a
TV series that he was involved in would actually prove to be beneficial?
If you are not familiar with the show, the term “Burn Notice”
according to Wikipedia, “refers to an official statement issued by an
intelligence agency to other agencies. It states that an asset or intelligence
source is unreliable for one or more reasons, often fabrication.” This
is what happens to the main character, former CIA operative, Michael Westen as
played by Jeffrey Donovan.
Michael finds himself back home in Miami with a frozen bank
account and no job. Fortunately, he has a supportive group to fall back on
which includes his one-time ex IRA member girlfriend, Fiona (Gabrielle Anwar),
his ex-Navy Seal bestie, Sam (Bruce Campbell) and his mom Madeline (the lovely
veteran character actress, Sharon Gless). Together, they try to find out who terminated
Michael from the CIA while helping out the random citizen with a problem.
One of the best parts about this program is the way they
give you step by step instructions on such topics as turning a microwave into a
bomb to deter a contract hit or how to turn Christmas lights into effective
weapons to thwart a rogue government agent. You just don’t know when you might
be called upon to remember something like that in your world. This is why I
decided to put together a little list of life hacks that I have picked up while
watching this wonderfully inventive show.
Aliases are great for avoiding unpleasant situations. In “Burn
Notice” whenever Sam goes undercover to obtain information on a bad guy for
Michael he always uses the name, “Chuck Finley.” No one ever figures out who he
really is and it works like a charm. Just think of the possibilities.
For example, let’s say you are going to Las Vegas for a work
convention or some other function. You know, what happens in Vegas stays in
Vegas, right?
Well, if you use an alias, that will truly be the case. So, if
you make some bad decisions like going to a nightclub, having one too many Jager
Bombs and ending up the next day in a scene reminiscent of the Hangover, just
adopt a fake name like “Cheryl Tiegs” or “Ricky Ricardo” so nothing can stick
to you. Also, make sure you delete all pictures from your phone.
Always look on point. The show takes place in Miami and if you
have ever been there, it is hot and it is humid. It feels like you are in Guam
in the middle of the summer year-round. I constantly marvel at Fiona and
Michael. Somehow, Fiona manages to run around in slip dresses with massive
platform heels and she never twists her ankle or has an unfortunate mishap on a
staircase.
Not to mention, she is also running around shooting at people, blowing stuff up and performing Mario Andretti drifts in her souped up Hyundai. It may be 85 degrees and 150 % humidity but she looks fabulous. Her makeup never runs making her look like Robert Smith from the Cure and her hair is perfect. If I did all that activity, not only would I be trying to survive a broken ankle, I would also be contending with hair that looked like this:
Dontcha wish your girlfriend or wife looked like me? |
Guys, you are not immune to this phenomenon either. Michael
is always doing the same activities as Fiona in a smart suit. He always looks
like he stepped out of the pages of GQ. Can you imagine if you were forced to do Kung Fu
on some bad ass that wanted to kill you in the middle of a sweltering heatwave
while wearing a Giorgio Armani ensemble? I think not. Either way, it is better
to look good than to feel good.
Keep calm and have a Mojito. When Sam isn’t working, he can
always be found kicking back poolside or at his favorite bar downing a nice,
cool, refreshing Mojito. This is a guy that knows how to relax. If ever you
feel like you are about to lose your shit, count to five and think, WWSAD (What
Would Sam Axe Do)?
Then go to your happy place and have your favorite beverage.
That PowerPoint presentation full of useless pie charts will wait. It’s 5 o’clock
somewhere and it is cocktail hour. Swipe ignore on your phone, sit back and let
the good times roll, baby.
Avoid abandoned warehouses and buildings. This doesn’t just
apply to horror movies. If someone wants you to meet them at one of these
locations, just say no. Nothing good is going to come of it. Also, don’t go
inside and wait for them either. These places are usually hot as hell, smelly
and are not safety code ready. You will thank me later.
Friends are important. On “Burn Notice” Sam or Fiona are always
being tasked by Michael to get information from their friends and associates.
In Sam’s case this could be other operatives, the local cop shop or a wealthy
sugar mama. Fiona, on the other hand has a cadre of weapons dealers and other
assorted characters that can procure any last minute special needs for Michael.
We all need to surround ourselves with people we can trust. You never know when you might need to flee to another country or get out of a parking ticket.
Who knew a television show could be so helpful? Maybe I should start taking notes on everything I watch because you never know, right?
Are you a fan of “Burn Notice?” Have you ever learned anything from
watching a television series or a movie? Please feel free to post your
comments or contact me at susan.womanontheledge@aol.com.
Never seen Burn Notice, it's on Fox but not Netflix over here. I learned everything I know from Star Trek of course.
ReplyDeleteStar Trek was my original blueprint too. Thanks for reading, Captain! Always appreciate the dialogue.
ReplyDelete