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Sunday, September 4, 2016

An Open Letter to My Neighbors



As summer draws to a close and we silently pray for respite from this God awful heat, I would be remiss in not thanking my neighbors for making this season a memorable one.

Dear (Insert whatever adjective or noun fits the mood du jour),
First of all, I am so grateful that you live next door to me.  Up until two years ago, I didn’t even know you existed. Now I do and I feel as if my life has been forever altered. I don’t know how I functioned without your presence in my world.

Without you, I would never know how fun yelling for no apparent reason could be.  I would never know the meaning of shabby chic.  When looking at your windows, I can’t help but wonder if the sheets that adorn them are from the Martha Stewart collection at Kmart or if you bought them online from Gwyneth Paltrow’s GOOP.  All I can say is #lifegoals #ENVIOUS.

Of course, you know how much I love surprises!  That day when you had some random person bang on my back door and then ring my front doorbell incessantly, that was great!  I got a chuckle out of that.  My heart rate sped up so I know that you are concerned for my cardio health.  Whomever that person was, they must have needed something immediately.  I am so sorry I couldn’t get to the doors.  

If it wouldn’t have been for you screaming at your boyfriend (you crazy mixed up lovebirds!) at 1:30 in the morning, I wouldn’t have known just how quickly our law enforcement reacts to emergencies.  This is comforting. 

Oh and thank you for waiting until we were out of town to break your picture window. What was especially thoughtful of you was the way that you chose not to have pesky glass replacement professionals take care of that problem.  To save on inconveniencing us with the loud noise, you chose to have one of your friends come over and just plywood that sucker right up!  Every time I look at that board, I smile to myself and think, I am one lucky gal to have people like you living next to me.

Another thing I need to mention is your enterprising spirit.  It is great that you are able to run a 24 hour 7 days a week business out of your home!  I don’t know how you find the time because I know that awesome car collection of yours must take up majority of your day.  Judging by the satisfied looks on your customer’s faces, I think you are quite successful.  You must have a terrific product that appeals to that crucial 18-25-year-old demographic because those skater kids looked mighty pleased. Maybe you should go on the Apprentice or Shark Tank.

Because of you, I am able to identify most popular club songs by their bass line.  This is a rare gift to possess.  If it weren’t for you sitting in your primer coated Honda sharing the latest music with our neighborhood, I wouldn’t be so hip.  You are too cool!

And last but not least, I want to tell you that I appreciate your daring personality.  You are not afraid to go against the grain.  While mostly everyone in the neighborhood cuts their grass, you refuse.  I know it is because you are a big supporter of nature and a true environmentalist. You have taken a stance and you should be admired for it. 

It’s okay that we have to fight through the weeds to open the front door of our car.  Because you are so bold, I have learned about tick prevention so that I don’t get Lyme Disease.  Your actions are worth it.  Stay the course, stay strong!  You will triumph.

Kind Regards,
The People Living Next Door to You

 

 


Do you have neighbors from hell? Do you have any interesting interactions with them? I would love to hear your opinions on the subject!  Please feel free to post your comments or contact me at susan.womanontheledge@aol.com.

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