As summer draws to a close and we silently pray for respite
from this God awful heat, I would be remiss in not thanking my neighbors for
making this season a memorable one.
Dear (Insert whatever adjective or noun fits the mood du
jour),
First of all, I am so grateful that you live next door to
me. Up until two years ago, I didn’t
even know you existed. Now I do and I feel as if my life has been forever
altered. I don’t know how I functioned without your presence in my world.
Without you, I would never know how fun yelling for no
apparent reason could be. I would never
know the meaning of shabby chic. When
looking at your windows, I can’t help but wonder if the sheets that adorn them
are from the Martha Stewart collection at Kmart or if you bought them online
from Gwyneth
Paltrow’s GOOP. All I can say
is #lifegoals #ENVIOUS.
Of course, you know how much I love surprises! That day when you had some random person bang
on my back door and then ring my front doorbell incessantly, that was
great! I got a chuckle out of that. My heart rate sped up so I know that you are
concerned for my cardio health. Whomever
that person was, they must have needed something immediately. I am so sorry I couldn’t get to the doors.
If it wouldn’t have been for you screaming at your boyfriend (you crazy mixed up lovebirds!) at 1:30 in the morning, I wouldn’t have known just how quickly our law enforcement reacts to emergencies. This is comforting.
Oh and thank you for waiting until we were out of town to
break your picture window. What was especially thoughtful of you was the way
that you chose not to have pesky glass replacement professionals take care of
that problem. To save on inconveniencing
us with the loud noise, you chose to have one of your friends come over and
just plywood that sucker right up! Every
time I look at that board, I smile to myself and think, I am one lucky gal to
have people like you living next to me.
Another thing I need to mention is your enterprising
spirit. It is great that you are able to
run a 24 hour 7 days a week business out of your home! I don’t know how you find the time because I
know that awesome car collection of yours must take up majority of your day. Judging by the satisfied looks on your
customer’s faces, I think you are quite successful. You must have a terrific product that appeals
to that crucial 18-25-year-old demographic because those skater kids looked
mighty pleased. Maybe you should go on the Apprentice or Shark Tank.
Because of you, I am able to identify most popular club
songs by their bass line. This is a rare
gift to possess. If it weren’t for you
sitting in your primer coated Honda sharing the latest music with our
neighborhood, I wouldn’t be so hip. You
are too cool!
And last but not least, I want to tell you that I appreciate
your daring personality. You are not
afraid to go against the grain. While
mostly everyone in the neighborhood cuts their grass, you refuse. I know it is because you are a big supporter
of nature and a true environmentalist. You have taken a stance and you should
be admired for it.
It’s okay that we have to fight through the weeds to open
the front door of our car. Because you
are so bold, I have learned about tick prevention so that I don’t get Lyme Disease. Your actions are worth it. Stay the course, stay strong! You will triumph.
Kind Regards,
The People Living Next Door to You
Do you have neighbors from hell? Do you have any interesting
interactions with them? I would love to hear your opinions on the
subject! Please feel free to post your
comments or contact me at susan.womanontheledge@aol.com.
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